is the past the best predictor of the future???
Posted May 7, 2011on:
The other day I opened my fortune cookie on my facebook wall and saw this, “the best prediction of future is the past”. I sat and contemplated this statement for a few moments.
For me this concept is very relevant because of my “past” relationships. I always used to let what happened in the past affect what happened in my future of my relationships. I have a very hard time letting go and starting over. I held onto the memories of ex boyfriends and let them rule what happened in my future relationships.
With J, we have talked about our past relationships, our mistakes, THEIR mistakes, and how we could change for the better to not let “history repeat itself.” However, I’m scared, downright fearful, that my past will repeat itself. I will make the same mistakes I’ve made in my past relationships.
One of those mistakes is falling too hard and too fast. As I’ve posted before, I was engaged after 6 months, to the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We felt it was just right and as these same “falling head over heels” feelings resurface and I find myself thinking about a long term future with J, I need to put the breaks on.
I don’t want to make that same mistake again. I did it with CFG too, but luckily I was able to approach that with my blinders down and my guard WAY up. With J I want to let my guard down, and just let it happen, but I can’t, because of what has happened in the past. Will my past of falling hard repeat itself?
Then I decided to look at this statement again from a different standpoint. “the best prediction of future is the past.” Maybe this statement is correct, not that history will repeat itself, but that your past can have an impact on your future, depending on how you use it. As a teacher I am always telling my students, “don’t worry, we learn from our mistakes” when they get an answer wrong or have a behavior issue that they are upset over. We HAVE the control to take our past and mold it into our future. I did let my past affect my future many times, but I don’t have to let the same things happen again.
After John and I decided to divorce I told myself, I WILL NOT make the same mistakes again. I WILL NOT fall for someone so fast, but I did do it again. Maybe it is my human nature, because I do wear my heart on my sleeve, but with CFG I was able to recognize this familiar pattern and stop it in its tracks. I realized my history was repeating itself, I had fallen for yet another guy I had to care for. They needed me to be happy, but I needed to be the one being taken care of. I fell into my controlling nature, where I had to have control of the situation, and when things were not ok, I wanted to fix them. I also realized I was yet again, “settling”. That puzzle piece was not a perfect fit, but I was going to make it fit. I was going to fix things so it would fit perfectly. BUT relationships should NOT be like that. It took me quite a few relationships, 5 or so long term ones, to figure that one out. I hope that I am done figuring it out, and have found my perfect fit.
I will be following up with another view/take on this “fortune” on other aspects of my life, not just my past relationships. Enjoy reading and please feel free to leave your own reflections, because I’m very interested in what your views on this “fortune cookie” means.