Posted by: new beginnings on: May 10, 2010
We sat there, sitting side by side, in mahogany leather chairs, with forms and paperwork staring back up at us. Just minutes prior we had been talking about what we did over the weekend. It was not until I signed my married name for the very last time at the bottom of the papers that reality struck. The person sitting next to me was soon to be my ex husband. The marriage certificate sitting on the table was soon to be voided. I was signing away my marriage. For months I cried and dreaded this day, the day we officially filed for divorce, but as I sat there I realized I was OK. I was going to be okay. This was the start to a new chapter in my life. My soon to be ex and I may be ending a marriage, but not our friendship. Everyone is shocked at how amicable we are, and still talk to each other, and even see each other on an occasion. “I am glad that you can be friendly towards each other” were the words that stuck in my head. My lawyer had uttered them to us as we said our goodbyes to her.
As I sit here processing the earlier events of today and realizing I am actually getting divorced now, no turning back, I feel a sense of relief. I had dreaded this day for so long. It had been dragged out for too long. Between canceled appointments and doubts I was unsure if it would ever happen. I was afraid I would take that as sign to not end my marriage. It was a few days ago that I sat on my couch crying hysterically, wishing this was not happening. Now that it is over with, I don’t feel devastated like I thought I would. I feel a sense of hope. I hope that the future brings both of us what we want and deserve in life. His life is going in a different direction and mine has dramatically changed. I never would have thought I would be graduating next week with my Masters degree.
I look at this major life changing event as a sign that good things are to come. One big chapter in my book of life is ending, but a whole new one is just being written. I found a great quote by Seneca, a Roman philosopher, that sums up my feelings, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” As my blog title says, “a new beginning at 28″. I realize that today I did sign away a marriage and I kept a friendship, but most of all I opened the door to a new life. A new life, no longer as married woman, but instead a young woman ready to explore what life has to offer. As Helen Keller said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” I am not going to keep looking back on my marriage and trying to figure out what went wrong, instead I am going to accept it, and move on. There are many doors of happiness just waiting to be opened.
